Beyond Stigma: Caring For Ourselves, Saving Lives

“Everything happens for a reason.” 

I scroll through Instagram and roll my eyes at the bullshit phrase in front of me. 

No, not everything happens for a reason, and not everything has a silver lining. 

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As a PR person, I find that fact hard to digest sometimes. Publicists focus on the positive, the wins, the pros for the entity they represent. For all humans, death, of course, can’t be reframed - in fact, it’s impossible.

I was working in PR two years ago when a close family member, my uncle, died by suicide. I only mention the work aspect because the juxtaposition of the day before, when I was handling an event, now feels silly. Not knowing the next day would be the worst of my life. It was the last day where a few guests dropping out of an event last minute, felt like a big deal. 

September holds my birthday, which my uncle never forgot to text me on. He was only 12 years older than myself, and was more like a brother. He loved the Knicks, the Yankees, had tattoos (a lot of them), loved distance biking and had a cool sense of fashion. He brought me to my first comedy show at the Comedy Cellar in NYC. He had a dark sense of humor and loved George Carlin and Bill Maher.

Through his life and in recent years, my uncle struggled with his mental health for many reasons. The push and pull of current events especially upset him. He felt strongly about gun control, and was horrified by school shootings in the news. As we all are, but those events could cause him to spiral for weeks. For his funeral services, we donated to Sandy Hook Promise Foundation. 

Since 2023, I’ve learned a lot more about mental health, grief and even life. My current work coincidentally has allowed me to be able to work with the National Alliance on Mental Illness of New York, share resources and support these efforts in the workplace and beyond. 

Now that it’s Suicide Prevention Month, along with Maternal Suicide Prevention Month, I feel like it’s time to speak about the importance of mental health. As I navigate postpartum, the statistics also loom large in my mind and it’s been key to look after myself with therapy and medication when needed. ‍

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Maternal Suicide Statistics:‍

Maternal suicide is the leading cause of death in the first year postpartum. 

23% of postpartum deaths are attributed to suicide.

Studies show that suicidal thoughts among childbearing individuals have increased in recent years, particularly among young, low-income, and Black mothers.

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My uncle’s struggles were different than my own, but I think tending to our mental health and looking out for one another in our family and community is key. Especially in times of high stress like postpartum, the death of a loved one, a divorce etc. 

As we enter a darker time for our country, there is an onslaught of alarming news daily. The type of sensational headlines meant to destabilize and trigger us, and make us worry for our families. Those with mental health issues and people in vulnerable groups are struggling mentally. 

I implore us all to use empathy first, critical thinking second (as my journalist mom would say, check your sources) and check in on one another in the coming years where our government and entities we may have trusted for public health information and other information in the past, may not be reliable.

While I’m not going to do a dive into the circumstances leading to my family member’s death, I do think he would like that I was using my experience to raise mental health awareness. He’d certainly like that I was continuing to use my voice for the issues I believe in.

I’m finding reminders of my uncle in unexpected places this September, and I see signs that he is with me and his passion for social justice too.

Although this grief will be with me forever, there are ways I can honor my uncle. The work I do with NAMI-NYC, the tattoo I’ll be getting this week in his honor and making sure I look after myself and of course, I’ll tell my daughter about her uncle John. 

No one should feel like they have to suffer in silence. 

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If you’re struggling, please know:

You are not alone.

You are not to blame.

With help, you will be well.

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Call or text 988 if you’re in crisis.

Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-852-6262

Postpartum Support International HelpLine: 800-944-4773

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NAMI-NYC Mental Health Resources:

NAMI offers one-of-a-kind suicide prevention support groups Join an upcoming session below:

• Living with Thoughts of Suicide is a peer-led support group. It is a safe space to talk about what it’s like to have those thoughts, how to manage them, and find community. 
• If you have lost a loved one to suicide, NAMI-NYC’s Suicide Loss Survivors is a non-clinical support group offered in partnership with The Samaritans NYC to build a community with people who understand.
• About 12.8 million adults have thoughts of suicide. Supporting Loved Ones Living with Suicidal Thoughts is a support group for their loved ones to share their experiences and find connections.

Classes: NAMI signature classes, Basics, Peer-to-Peer, and Family-to-Family, we talk about difficult mental health moments for us and our family members.

Family Match: Trained volunteers in the same relationship and witnessing the same mental health conditions as you through our Family Match program. You will be matched for 3 consecutive months for phone support, two calls per month.

Helpline: NAMI’s non-emergency Helpline is for any mental health questions – or if you just need to talk. Call/text, chat, or send us an email, and we can connect you to free programs for you or a family member.